Leaving
I know you’re reading it now. I want you to see it everything. I want to tell you that, Im leaving and I give up in this love story. So many sheep I quit counting. Sleepless and embarrassed about the way that I feel. Trying to make mole hills out of mountains, building base camp at the bottom of a really big deal and did I tell you how I stopped eating, when you stopped calling me? And I was cramped up shitting rivers for weeks and pretending that I was finally free. I don’t know how I’ll get by without you, I’ll be wrecked, I’ll be ruined. I don’t know how I’ll get past tomorrow. I bet I’ll be broken open wide. I’ll try my best to move on without you. It saddens me to see how deep I’ve fallen when I wasn’t even supposed to be at the edge to begin with. And no matter how hard I cry, you’ll never come back. If one day you see me slowly fading away it’s not cause I don’t care any more, it’s because you pushed me away. I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh. But I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry. Well its been raining on and on ever since you’ve been gone. Those dark clouds keep rolling in, and every time I think I might catch myself a glimpse of sunlight, the bottom falls out again. The first time I was heartbroken because you left me. I never knew I’ll hurt this way and the second time was when you come back again. You came back and never meant to stay. I won’t go so far as to say that I’m fine.. Too much of what I felt for you remains.. I’d like to believe in the healing hands of time..but the truth is I really can’t say if I’m getting better.. or just used to the pain. And I’m worried…I, I’m afraid that you took away my ability to believe. And I hate you for that. Because I always believed before. And now I just feel…lost. And I am, I’m trying to put myself out there, but… I feel hopeless. Lately I’ve been looking through the windows of my soul, and I can see there’s not much left to hold, Just an empty space surrounded by the pieces of a badly broken heart that’s forgotten how to love. Do you remember, well I remember every kiss, bittersweet and tender; every promise, every vow; every time you said forever, pinky promise. Even though you left me, for another, I’m a big boy now, I will recover. And now, im giving up. Im out of here since you don’t give us change anymore, since you don’t love me anymore, since you don’t need me anymore, since you don’t want me anymore. I don’t want get my hopes up everytime. Im leaving..
